Oops

What was it they say about the path to Hell....? OK so I ahven't posted here as much as I was intending to over the last few months. If I'm brutally honest, I went and tried the other side for a while and had a "space" on MSN. However, I have been brought back here by the wonderful Googlemail, and Picasa.

So what's happening in my life? Do you care? Course you do - you're probably me in a few months or years looking back to see where I was now. (Wow - there's tense tension for you.) I can't imagine I get many other readers...

Well, I'm in a much better frame of mind (I almost wrote "place" then - ugh) than I was when I last wrote. My faith has returned, and I think stronger than it has ever been before. Just to be able to say that in a public place would not have been at all comfortable when I was last posting, even though I was going to church every Sunday and saying my prayers. It's a difficult thing to describe, but I am feeling God's grace in my life in so many ways now. Firstly, it no longer makes me cringe to say things like that. It feels good to profess the faith. Sure, I still worry about people laughing, or stereotyping me becasue of it, but I went up to Harvington Church (http://www.harvingtonhall.com/) the other day and had a think about St John Wall, an English Martyr. Then look at the Acts of the Apostles. These guys had a faith greater than I could imagine, to suffer physically for it to that extent. I would have been the first to say "Bugger the Pope" in the reformation I think. Thank God I haven't been tested to that extent. But to fail to confess the faith when the only danger is a bit of a smirk from the listener suddenly seemed a bit... well... pathetic really. So I asked for the strength to be more open about it, and got what I wanted. Before my pride gets the better of me, I'm not there yet. I have mentioned it to one or two patients, discussed it with Soph and started wearing a pin badge on ONE of my coats with a cross on it. But it's a start.

Getting more involed in the parish too. Second CMS meeting on Weds. In the choir now, and played the organ at Christmas Morning Mass. On Saturday I'm in the pantomime. The family is now in charge of the parish Christmas Tree (gulp). It feels strange for me, someone who has always tried to fit in through life, to be doing things which are against the flow of modern society. It's hard, but at the same time, seems to make other hard parts of life easier. Faith is not something which just happens. I don't think you'd get much hanging around waiting for a road to Damascus experience. It is more something that I chose to believe for a bit. By making that choice, my life got undeniably better. Why then choose not to believe? You can't PROVE the existence of a creator. You can't prove that Jesus was the Son of God. But you can't disprove it either. It is a simple choice.

Atheism interests me. I can only see one reason that a person could believe in Atheism (if that is possible semantically), and that would be that it is impossible to believe something which is not provable. But, surely, God NOT existing is just as unproveable as God existing, so an Atheist would be ridiculous to himself. I'm sure there are other arguments for Atheism, and I'd like to hear some of them, if you're reading this.

Anyway, I'm going to row. Hope it's not so long next time.